I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
