could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize