I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my being single is dangerous.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
