Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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