Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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