My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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