i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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