Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
