420 ftw
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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