I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
