I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
