walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
