U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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