I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
