Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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