i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So much rum. So many feels.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
