Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
