I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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