In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are two peas in an std pod
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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