and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
