i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
