The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
