OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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