I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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