What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
