My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
