He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
