before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
