Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
