I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
