I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating all of the evidence.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize