honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
