its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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