Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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