Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
