we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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