my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
