he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize