Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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