I just cut my nipple shaving
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
