is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
