is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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