But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
