I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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