Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
