oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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