Will you blow on my dice?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
