I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
