Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
