Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
