so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who died my cat blue again?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
