woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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