I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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