I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
