I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
