jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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