she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
