no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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