IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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