So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
