I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
