you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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