Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
