I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
