So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
