You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
