glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
