She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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