Got a toothbrush?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
