I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
