we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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