the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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