bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
