sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
