Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I looked at my own cervix.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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